Sabatoge!!

I am feeling so overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed and pretty much depressed. I like everywhere you turn there is FOOD big stinking, nasty, delicious, fattening, FOOD!! Everyday I have to fight, literally fight an inner battle with myself on whether or not I am going to eat the "food". Halloween completely did me in. I did so so good all day, I told myself I was not going to eat any candy, I was NOT! But then I went trick or treating with my adorable little monsters and it was like I had never seen or tasted candy before. The crazy thing is that if I say I can have candy I am completely good not eating it. But the second I limit myself I am all over that stuff that flys on poo. ARRRRGGGGG!!!!

Then there is family/friends who seem to be eating whatever they want, sipping that delicious soda or eating that spectacular sugar cookie, etc. I just want to stay in my house for the next two months and not go anywhere so that I don't have to worry about food. Going to my in laws is like walking into dieters hell(I love my inlaws). But there is candy everywhere. In bowls, a whole drawer is dedicated to just candy. There are all kinds of chips and a whole fridge of soda. For family dinners we have appetizers before the main dinner which is a dinner itself and then there is more food and more food. And then there are people that if you are not eating then you have offended them or they act like I think I am better than them. I'M NOT!! I just want to be healthy! I don't want to look at pictures of me and my kids growing up and think...yuck when I see myself. I don't want this to be a life long struggle I just want to find the magic key or the magic solution so it won't be so stinking hard for me.
I don't want to diet I just want to be healthy. And of course this is the worst time of year for Sabatoge. All those delicious holiday treats. I honestly do not know how I lost the weight last year. I am trying to do the same thing and it is just not happening. I am FRUSTRATED!! 

Gum and Water

I'm still pluggin away at the burst. Tomorrow is my day off and I am excited. I weighed myself on Monday and was down 3 pounds. I was pretty excited but I know that could be a fluke so my official weigh in is tomorrow. So we shall see what comes of that.

I have decided the thing that is helping me a lot is my Extra Peppermint gum and always having a water jug full of ice with me at all times. It is amazing how different I fill when I just drink enough water. So go drink some water.

That is all.

Day 4!

I made it!! Today is my first day off and I get to have 2000 calories today! Guess what I had for breakfast.....a piece of pumpkin pie!! YUMMY! I saved it from Ellies birthday party that we had yesterday. It was very hard not to eat but it was worth the wait.

The link

Here is the link to GPP fitness.
http://gppfitness.com/weight-loss-diets/
Just so you know I am HUNGRY!! Last time I did the burst I was in detox/withdrawal mode for a week or two. It is hard and it is mostly mind over food. We can do this!! I can't wait for my cottage cheese and banana!!

The next 30 lbs.

I have struggled for a while with the motivation to keep going. Keep losing weight. I am very stubborn and strong willed and do not like to be told what to do. So when someone or something tells me I cannot eat "that" then I immediately and defiantly want to eat "that".

So I am hoping that documenting the journey on this blog will help motivate me to keep keeping on. I will be starting the burst cycle diet for the next 6 weeks. This is how I lost my first 30 lbs. It is hard and emotionally taxing but it provides results. I will also be working out daily. For a while I have been really motivated on Monday and by Wednesday or Thursday that motivation fizzles.

I know that it is going to be crazy hard, especially during this time of year. It is my favorite. I love to bake in the cool weather, I love chocolate, I love caramel apples and most of all I love pie. I want to say that I love my body more but right now that would be a lie. So I will take it one day at a time and one bowl of cottage cheese at a time and try to enjoy the journey. Anyone want to join me?

Exercise High!!

Yesterday I did this workout. 

I remember this workout very vividly because it was one of the very first workouts that I did when I started going to GPP. It was insanely hard and I walked(and probably cried) most of the way. It took me a very very long time and I remember being so discouraged. I wondered if I was always going to be the last one to finish the workouts or if I was ever going to "RX" a workout. 

Almost exactly one year later I did this workout again and I was NOT the last person finished (not there is anything wrong with being last because I usually am still last), and I ran almost the whole time(minus a few feet here and there). I felt incredible!! It was so awesome to see the comparison in just one short year. I was seriously so proud of myself and so grateful for GPP!

I feel better, I have way more energy, and I actually look better.

Am I a superfit status? Not even close. I have never been athletic or fit, but I see the progression that I have made and it has just motivated me more to keep keeping on!!

Motivation

To say that I have been in a slump is a serious understatement. I have many excuses....its the holidays, money, keeping my kids in so they don't get sick, my hair is too short(laugh if you must but this is a real affliction, if you only knew what my hair looked like in the morning-Awesome!) Well that is the list and i'm sure there is more.

What I have been lacking is motivation. I need help. I have been the motivator for Ryan and myself and quite frankly it is exhausting because he has his whole set of excuses.

I feel like a ticking time bomb. I have never lost this much weight and part of me is thinking "how long until she gains it all back". I don't want to think like that. I want to move forward. But there is fear looming. Can this be a lifelong thing? 

I know I just need to get off my duff and do it!! I am scared in fact terrified about getting on the band wagon again. I can do it!! I can do it!! Do you have anything that has helped you keep going? I need some motivation.