Hello again

8 months ago I gave birth to a beautiful little girl. I am so in love and so grateful that she has joined our little family. She is literally a perfect baby. She sleeps through the night and has slept through the night, minus a night here and there, since she was born. I know, I am so spoiled. She is a great eater, is happy all the time and is a wonderful snuggler. I'm in love. She has been such a joy and a blessing. With that being said 4 kids is HARD!! I always feel that the first year after a baby is the hardest. It is hard on family dynamics on my marriage, my body, and pretty much everything else. I started going back to GPP after a year break. I know that a lot of people say that exercising is great to do while your pregnant but I was so worried that I would do something to hurt the baby that I chose not to. So I have a lot of catch up to do.
It has been hard to start working out again. Before I got pregnant I felt great, I was stronger than I had ever been and was definitely way more healthy. So I feel like I am starting at ground zero again. I keep comparing it to last time. For instance, last time I started I had already lost 20 lbs by this point. I also am heavier now than when I started last time. I know the number on the scale shouldn't matter, but it does.
I was plugging a long and had started the dreaded "burst" diet, that sucks ass but it works. And then I got the black plague, ok not actually the black plague but definitely a cousin. I have been in bed for a week and after 6 days finally feeling like I might live. On top of me being sick ALL 4 of my kids had the stomach flu. "VOMIT for everyone!" And now my husband is getting over the illness as well. NOT FUN!! So now after washing every blanket, towel and article of clothing in my house and throwing away all of the pillow pets and stuffed animals that could have been carriers of the disease I need to start again...again.
I need some strategies......
1. I need to think of this not as a "diet" (yuck, I hate that word) but as getting "healthy"
2. I need to not care what other people think. I can still be fun and not eat yucky(delicious) fattening food. It is ok if I order a water and you order a diet coke. I don't think I am better than you, at all!! If I say I can't go out to eat with you it isn't because I don't love you and that I don't want to spend time with you it is because I am weak. And food is my biggest weakness.
3. Life is a journey. I want so so soooo badly to be the skinny girl. I want to feel beautiful. I want to put on a pair of pants and not feel like a blob. I wish I wasn't so shallow but it is what it is.
4.Don't wait until Monday, start Today!!
5.My body created 4 incredible, beautiful, strong and magnificent little human beings. That is something to be proud of.
6. I CAN DO HARD THINGS!!

That is it for now.
It feels better to get all of these thoughts out of my head.
...............I fear that I will fail.

Sabatoge!!

I am feeling so overwhelmed, frustrated, annoyed and pretty much depressed. I like everywhere you turn there is FOOD big stinking, nasty, delicious, fattening, FOOD!! Everyday I have to fight, literally fight an inner battle with myself on whether or not I am going to eat the "food". Halloween completely did me in. I did so so good all day, I told myself I was not going to eat any candy, I was NOT! But then I went trick or treating with my adorable little monsters and it was like I had never seen or tasted candy before. The crazy thing is that if I say I can have candy I am completely good not eating it. But the second I limit myself I am all over that stuff that flys on poo. ARRRRGGGGG!!!!

Then there is family/friends who seem to be eating whatever they want, sipping that delicious soda or eating that spectacular sugar cookie, etc. I just want to stay in my house for the next two months and not go anywhere so that I don't have to worry about food. Going to my in laws is like walking into dieters hell(I love my inlaws). But there is candy everywhere. In bowls, a whole drawer is dedicated to just candy. There are all kinds of chips and a whole fridge of soda. For family dinners we have appetizers before the main dinner which is a dinner itself and then there is more food and more food. And then there are people that if you are not eating then you have offended them or they act like I think I am better than them. I'M NOT!! I just want to be healthy! I don't want to look at pictures of me and my kids growing up and think...yuck when I see myself. I don't want this to be a life long struggle I just want to find the magic key or the magic solution so it won't be so stinking hard for me.
I don't want to diet I just want to be healthy. And of course this is the worst time of year for Sabatoge. All those delicious holiday treats. I honestly do not know how I lost the weight last year. I am trying to do the same thing and it is just not happening. I am FRUSTRATED!! 

Gum and Water

I'm still pluggin away at the burst. Tomorrow is my day off and I am excited. I weighed myself on Monday and was down 3 pounds. I was pretty excited but I know that could be a fluke so my official weigh in is tomorrow. So we shall see what comes of that.

I have decided the thing that is helping me a lot is my Extra Peppermint gum and always having a water jug full of ice with me at all times. It is amazing how different I fill when I just drink enough water. So go drink some water.

That is all.

Day 4!

I made it!! Today is my first day off and I get to have 2000 calories today! Guess what I had for breakfast.....a piece of pumpkin pie!! YUMMY! I saved it from Ellies birthday party that we had yesterday. It was very hard not to eat but it was worth the wait.

The link

Here is the link to GPP fitness.
http://gppfitness.com/weight-loss-diets/
Just so you know I am HUNGRY!! Last time I did the burst I was in detox/withdrawal mode for a week or two. It is hard and it is mostly mind over food. We can do this!! I can't wait for my cottage cheese and banana!!

The next 30 lbs.

I have struggled for a while with the motivation to keep going. Keep losing weight. I am very stubborn and strong willed and do not like to be told what to do. So when someone or something tells me I cannot eat "that" then I immediately and defiantly want to eat "that".

So I am hoping that documenting the journey on this blog will help motivate me to keep keeping on. I will be starting the burst cycle diet for the next 6 weeks. This is how I lost my first 30 lbs. It is hard and emotionally taxing but it provides results. I will also be working out daily. For a while I have been really motivated on Monday and by Wednesday or Thursday that motivation fizzles.

I know that it is going to be crazy hard, especially during this time of year. It is my favorite. I love to bake in the cool weather, I love chocolate, I love caramel apples and most of all I love pie. I want to say that I love my body more but right now that would be a lie. So I will take it one day at a time and one bowl of cottage cheese at a time and try to enjoy the journey. Anyone want to join me?

Exercise High!!

Yesterday I did this workout. 

I remember this workout very vividly because it was one of the very first workouts that I did when I started going to GPP. It was insanely hard and I walked(and probably cried) most of the way. It took me a very very long time and I remember being so discouraged. I wondered if I was always going to be the last one to finish the workouts or if I was ever going to "RX" a workout. 

Almost exactly one year later I did this workout again and I was NOT the last person finished (not there is anything wrong with being last because I usually am still last), and I ran almost the whole time(minus a few feet here and there). I felt incredible!! It was so awesome to see the comparison in just one short year. I was seriously so proud of myself and so grateful for GPP!

I feel better, I have way more energy, and I actually look better.

Am I a superfit status? Not even close. I have never been athletic or fit, but I see the progression that I have made and it has just motivated me more to keep keeping on!!

Motivation

To say that I have been in a slump is a serious understatement. I have many excuses....its the holidays, money, keeping my kids in so they don't get sick, my hair is too short(laugh if you must but this is a real affliction, if you only knew what my hair looked like in the morning-Awesome!) Well that is the list and i'm sure there is more.

What I have been lacking is motivation. I need help. I have been the motivator for Ryan and myself and quite frankly it is exhausting because he has his whole set of excuses.

I feel like a ticking time bomb. I have never lost this much weight and part of me is thinking "how long until she gains it all back". I don't want to think like that. I want to move forward. But there is fear looming. Can this be a lifelong thing? 

I know I just need to get off my duff and do it!! I am scared in fact terrified about getting on the band wagon again. I can do it!! I can do it!! Do you have anything that has helped you keep going? I need some motivation.

Day off

Today was my "day off" on the burst cycle. I indulged in some Chickfila a Parsons Bakery sugar cookie and my favorite sweet chili, and a little bit of a Dr. Pepper. It was all so delicious. I really like my days off. I like to plan what I am going to eat on my fourth day. I already have my plans for next Tuesday, I am going to the temple and after doing some Temple ordinances I am going to have mashed potatoes and gravy at the cafeteria. I love cafeteria food. YUMMERS!! I think I could write a whole lot on just food but I will spare you. I think I must have a disorder of some kind because I think about food so much. Maybe I will look into that:).

The workout today was HARD and long. I think that it is the most I have ever sweet in a 35 min period. I only made it to 3 workouts this week. One of the days I was cleaning and doing things around the house literally from when Mady went to school at 8:30am until bed time so I pretty much justified that as exercise. One thing that Neil Anderson has said is that if you miss Mondays workout you are more prone to miss others throughout the week. I have found that to be true.

Well I'll go back to the grind tomorrow. I'm going over to my in-laws house tomorrow to watch the University of Utah football game. I think I mentioned that her house is full of candy and other none nutritional items. So I will have to put on my will power stance and avoid temptation. You can do it!!(said in the voice of the Water Boy character:))

I am a master at the fish hook!
(This picture has nothing to do with the post I just like posts better when there is pictures.)

Progress

Since the end of April I have been working out at a local fitness "gym" called GPP Fitness. I have loved it and hated it. Loved it because it has produced results...hated it because it is hard work. Neil Anderson is the owner/trainer and he puts together a workout every day. I love that it is a no thinking process for me. I go, do the workout and I'm done. They are all brutal and require complete and total mind motivation but it has been totally worth. To date I have lost 36 lbs and lots of inches(I have not had my measurements taken recently....I need to do that soon).

While doing the exercises Neil also puts you on an eating plan. Their are several to choose from. I have done the burst cycle. It is an intense "diet"(I hate that word....but it is what it is). For breakfast you have 1 cup cottage cheese and 1/2 banana. Lunch is a sandwhich with 3oz of meat 1oz of cheese and veggies with only mustard. If you are out and about it is a six inch sub. For dinner you eat 6 oz of meat and a 1/2 cup of veggies. You do this for 3 days and then on the 4th day you can eat whatever you want up to 2000 calories for woman and 3200 for men. You have to drink lots of water and also take a multi vitamin. It is been super hard but produced amazing results. The first week I did the burst cycle I had very vivid food dreams. I would dream about eating(mostly chocolate) and I would wake up and panic that I had ruined my diet. It was funny but I think my body was in detox mode. Once that was over it was not as hard....hard still but not so bad.

I have learned that working out is only a minimal part of losing weight it is what you put in your mouth that counts. I have found a diet soda that I can tolerate which is helpful...even though I know that water is much better and I feel better when I drink just water, it is nice to have a little treat.
Ryan started working out with me at the end of June and he has loved the results as well. He is looking thinner and feeling a lot better. It has been a lot of fun to work out with him.

My goal right now is to lose 12 more pounds by Oct 31st. That gives me one month. It wont be easy...especially when I spend time at my in-laws house. Their house is a smorgasbord of yummy treats with a never ending array of yummieness. But I can do it.
Here are some before and after pictures:

This picture was taken at the beginning of March at my daughters baptism.

This is defiantly not the most flattering picture of me but was taken in Sept on a family hike to Donut Falls.

Mady and I were in "The Music Man". This picture is taken after our final performance at the end of August.

One of Ryan and our favorite thing about getting healthy is we can do more of things we have wanted to do but just didn't feel good enough to do them. It is easier and not as exhausting to play with the kids, go on walks, not get winded walking up and down stairs at football games. We are in relatively better moods and it is fun to see the kids get involved also. They like to do the works out with us. Even little Dax will do situps with me. It is awesome.

Well thanks for checking in. I will post in November with my goal results.

Have a great day!!

Rocky start

Ok, I really am going to get going.....right after I finish eating this Thin Mint.

Day 1

I woke up this morning at 5:45 am to make it to exercising at 6 am. There is the nicest lady in my neighborhood who does a strength training class on Tues and Thurs. She kicks my butt. It is super hard but I love it. My plan is to do the strength training on Tues and Thurs and go running on Mon, Wed and Fri.
Exercise-check
Eating well-I could have done better. I started out awesome. I was eating little bits of good things all day. Around 3pm I started getting a massive headache. I have not had this bad of a headache in a long long time. So I just held on and kept eating little bits. But then my daughter and I were out doing some errands and she was hungry so we stopped and got Chinese food. Blast....I was doing so well.
Tomorrow I am going to drink more water and see if that helps the headaches.

Lose the Story

There is a gym close to my house that has a sign that says "Lose the Story". I wondered for a long time "What the heck does that mean?" I did eventually asked someone what it meant. It means the stop using the same excuses every time you want to exercise and just do it. So I decided in order for me to lose my story I needed to document my story. So here it goes.....

Before I start I need to make it known that my Religion(I am a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints), my Heavenly Father and Savior are a major part of my life. I rely on them daily and I know that anything is possible with their help.

I will start in Junior High and High School. I wasn't "fat" but boy did I think I was. I had a horrible self esteem. I would go through phases of feeling really well and then just feel horrible about myself. Through these years I was a size 10-12 which I would love to be right now. There was a group of girls that we all grew up in the same neighborhood and they were all size 0-2 and 4. Skinny little ladies. Is it their fault they were skinny? No. So why should that effect my self esteem? It shouldn't but it did. I was the girl who was the "friend" of all the boys. I was the girl who all of the boys would come and talk to in order to get closer to my girlfriends. It was awesome.(Sarcasm) I had one friend in particular that after she found out which boy I liked she would go after him and he would fall for her. But that is another subject altogether.

I don't want it to sound like I'm complaining....I'm not. I am generally a very positive person and I don't mean to make it sound like I was depressed my whole school experience...I wasn't. But these were the things that did effect me and have molded me into the person that I am now.

After High School I blossomed. I was still a size 10 but really did love who I was. I went to college and had the time of my life. I met one of my soul sisters, and made lots of friends. It was a very special time in my life. After only one semester I came home for Christmas break and met my future husband. We were married 7 months later.

Marriage came with new challenges. I knew that I had been sexually abused when I was younger but I had never had any symptoms come about until I was married and being intimate. This brought on a lot of things I was not prepared to deal with. (On a side note I want you to know that I am married to the most wonderful, supportive and understanding man. He has always been there for me and has never made me feel crazy. I love him.)

So thus began the counseling. I started going weekly to counseling. I have been to 3 different counselors over the past 11 years off and on. With counseling came my emotional eating. My favorite comfort foods....Mcdonalds strawberry shakes, fries and basically anything. I LOVE going out to eat.

Along with this came 3 wonderful children. My 3rd child was born with a heart defect and was consequently in the hospital for the first four months of his life. He ultimately needed a heart transplant. He has recovered remarkably and is doing so well and is almost 3 years old. While he was in the hospital once again the emotional eating continued. My food of choice was Snickers and Dr.Pepper(the Dr.Pepper at Primary Childrens Hospital is the best!)

So here I am 31 years old, a loving husband and 3 beautiful children. And I am ready to start this new adventure. Am I scared? Petrified! But I know that with prayer and hard work I can do it. Lets get it on!!!!